sleepy time

As a first-time mother, I know all too well the sleepless nights of a newborn, which are followed by the inconsistent nights of a baby, and the unpredictable bedtimes of a toddler. Tonight, as I listen to Jack talking to himself as he falls asleep, I am reminded that, just a week ago, his bedtimes weren't this pleasant. In fact, they were sometimes a knock-down, drag-out war of wills, especially with the addition in recent months of the terrible, awful toothbrush.

Now, we have to give Jack-Jack a little credit before I continue: About a month ago, we moved Jack from everything that was familiar to him in Idaho to a new place (Georgia), in a new house (the Bahr home), with different people (the Bahrs + "puppy Basha"), and a different bed (the pack-and-play, temporarily). The poor little guy clearly had a hard time adjusting. When we first arrived, he started putting his hands in his mouth out of nervousness (something he never did before), had a very hard time going to bed (something that was easy-peasy back in ID), and fought me tooth-and-nail on every little thing.

What I've learned about toddlers (and babies) is this: They are resilient, but they are also creatures of habit. And if there is one thing that has absolutely saved us as we deal with this big transition is creating a sense of new familiarity, and sticking to our routines.

So tonight, I write for the new, young moms out there who are currently experiencing bedtime baby trouble. I promise you that they'll get the hang of it, and someday, you'll lay them down and they'll smile and say "goodnight, mommy!" as you calmly walk out of the room, just before they fall peacefully, quietly asleep. I kid you not--this is what our bedtimes have become. It's amazing.

And for you, moms of sleep-hating babies and toddlers, I'll share the things I've learned about getting your child to want, maybe even ASK (gasp!) to go to bed.


1. Routine, Routine, Routine
If there is nothing else you glean from this list, remember this one alone: A bedtime routine will save you. As a new mom, I read it in every, single book I picked up about babies... and only kind of believed it. But let me say from experience: YOU MUST FOLLOW A ROUTINE! For Jack, the routine looks something like this:

STEP ONE: Start talking about bedtime a while before, so he knows it's coming.
STEP TWO: Change into pajamas--the cooler (Buzz and Woody or Cars for us!), the better.
STEP THREE: Brush teeth. (We're still getting the hang of this one, but it's coming.)
STEP FOUR: Say Prayers (Jack loves to "AMEN!" at the end. Pretty cute.)
STEP FIVE: Jack chooses what kind of "night-night" he wants (see below).
STEP SIX: I lay him in his crib, give him his comfort items (sippy w/water, blankets, teddy).
STEP SEVEN: Goodnight kisses, say "goodnight!", and leave the room calmly.

...so you get the idea. The routine works, and although it may take a few months days for your little one to get the hang of it, bedtime will eventually become something they feel ready for, rather than something you're making them do. FOLLOW THE ROUTINE. (Got it?)

(Note: If your baby is younger, your routine will look a little different, and may include things like: warm bath, rocking in a rocking chair, singing softly, bedtime bottle/nursing, etc.)

2. Give them choices.
My little guy is an independent one. He's at the age where, if it's not his idea, it's not okay. Occasionally, this is very frustrating when I'm trying to teach him to be obedient and follow direction, but lately, I've learned to use it to my advantage. Simply put, I give him choices. Now, what he hasn't clued into yet is that I don't really care which one he chooses--I always give him choices that are all okay with me. For example, "Jack, would you like your Buzz toothbrush, or your Cars toothbrush?" or, "Do you want these jammies or those jammies?" You get the idea.

Giving toddlers choices makes them feel like they're in control, even though all of the choices accomplish mom/dad's goal of getting him/her in bed. Everybody wins.

3. Make it fun.
Last week, I decided that we needed to add an element of fun to bedtime, so that he feels like it's a game/party/activity instead of a chore. So, I added the question, "What kind of night-night do you want?" to which he can respond in any number of ways: Buzz Lightyear night-night, Woody night-night, Lightning McQueen night-night, music night-night, horsey night-night... you get the idea. After he's chosen, I pick him up and either pretend to zoom in a spaceship (Buzz), gallop like a horse (Woody/horsey), speed like a racecar (Lightning McQueen), or sing and twirl (music) across the room to his crib, then I lay him down and he's happy and smiling, barely aware that I've put him in bed. It's a little goofy, but Jack-Jack loves goofy (and Goofy, too, for that matter). Just be careful not to get too carried away--you don't want to rile them up so much that they can't fall asleep. Enough said.

4. Ditch the bottle, ASAP
The biggest battle for us as of late was trying to peel Jack's bottle away from him. We had known for a long time that he was too old for it, but could never quite figure out how to convince him to give it up. It seemed that every time we'd start the weaning process (and it only had water in it, mind you), he'd get sick, or we'd move to a new house, and he'd beg for his bottle as a means of comfort.

A sleeping (and smiling!) newborn Jack.

My advice is, the earlier you can bottle wean, the less attached they become to their bottle as a comfort item, and the easier the whole baby-to-toddler transition will be. What eventually worked for us was getting him some sippy cups that he really liked (Buzz and Woody ones, naturally) and going cold turkey. It only took him asking for it a time or two until he had forgotten about it completely. Lesson learned. (Note: This may apply to your child's pacifier, as well. Don't delay the inevitable--if they're old enough to ask for it by name, they may be too old for it. Use your parental judgment.)

5. Have Patience.
It's cliche because it's true: Be patient with the process and stick to your guns. Be calm (they smell fear). There will still be rough nights, even after they've been bedtime pros for months. Illness, new environments, and any number of other routine-disturbing things can be cause for a rough night's sleep. It will happen. But know that it doesn't have to happen every night, and, like I said, bedtime can (and will) become something your little one will ask for. (A couple of my nieces even beg to go to bed.) The result? Happy, well-rested baby (and Mama!).

Sweet Dreams.